Group Therapy
by Yoroiden-Samurai-Girl
Summary: Dohko and Saori decide the other Saints have mental problems and decide to send them to get the professional help they need. (Chapter 3 FINALLY up!(A week after it's completion date, sorry people. ;;;)) REPSOSTED! Read the end if you read the 1st post..
1. The 1st Therapy Session

A/N: This idea came to me in a Saint Seiya chat room. Everyone was role playing, myself included, and someone who wasn't playing a Gold Saint said we needed therapy, with a few exceptions (I'm not gonna tell you who I play, just that I am one of said exceptions. :P). Well, as I pondered a way to make my fic come together, using events from the game, I just happened to be swept to the bowling ally where all my ideas fell into place. Thanks to all my friends-RPers and real life-for the inspiration to write this. ^_^ Rated PG-13 for mild nudity, just to be safe. Some out-of- characterness-what do you expect, they're in therapy? Enjoy. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______  
"WHAT!? YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" Saori Kido, also known as the Goddess, Athena, stood infront of a group of flabberghasted young men. "Athena-Sama, please", Saga pleaded, trying to make the 13-year-old Goddess see sense. "Please. We don't need therapy!". "The hell you lot don't!", Dohko, the old man standing beside Athena said "I can't sleep at night! You're all crazy, with the possible exceptions of Aldebarran, Mu, and Aiolia. Oh, and Shaka, he sleeps through the night.". "Huh? What's *yawn* going on?", Shaka asked. He'd been sleeping on the floor. "Oh. Dohko-Sempai asked Athena-Sama to send us to group therapy", Aphrodite said calmly, checking his appearance in his compact mirror.  
  
"Sempai-", Aiolia started. "No, let them all kill eachother", Dohko replied. Deathmask, Saga, Camus, Milo, and Shura were fighting over something. "Down", Mu said softly, setting a crystal wall around them to avoid being hit with an attack. Unfortunately, there was one person Mu's wall did not sheild-Aphrodite, who was sitting innocently in the cornor, putting on mascara."WHY YOU!!", Aphrodite yelled, leaping to his feet, mascara smeared down his left cheek. "ORDER!!!!", Athena screamed, stepping into the middle of the fray. Aphrodite stopped running. The five brawling saints stopped and looked at the girl. "Dohko is right! You all need help!", Athena cried. Mu, Shaka, Aldebarran, and Aiolia cautiously peeked out from behind the crystal wall. "You're all going in for therapy, starting this evening. I want all ten of you to go here!". Athena handed Aiolia a card with an address on it. "All ten of us?", Shaka asked. "Yes. You four are going, too!", Athena cried. She and Dohko left the room, leaving the ten saints standing there, very confused. _______________________________________________________________________  
  
"Well...here's the place...", Shaka said, blinking in confusion. "Great, you got us lost!", Saga accused. "No, this is the correct place, allright", Mu said, gazing at the address on the card. "It's a...bowling ally", Deathmask stammered, too confused to think of anything snide to say. "I believe it is safe to say the princess has lost her mind", Milo said, opening the door and letting the others go in ahead of him. "HI!!", a loud, cheerful voice sang. Camus screamed and jumped, bumping into Milo and falling with a thud to the ground. A strange-looking man stood infront of the bewildered group. "I'm Dr. Roobabega. I hear you all need therapy". "In a bowling ally?", Mu asked, raising a slender pink eyebrow at the crazy man. "All in due time, child!", Roobabega exclaimed brightly, clapping Mu on the shoulder so hard he fell over. Mu and Camus got back to their feet, grumbling. "Follow me, if you please", Roobabega said, guiding them to a table. The saints followed, casting nervous glances at eachother.  
  
"Sit", Roobabega said, gesturing for them to take seats around a large table. "Now, I want you all to stand up in turn and say your name, your age, and your problem". Aiolia's eyebrows rose. "Let's start with you, then, since you volunteered". Aiolia rolled his eyes and stood up. "My name is Aiolia, I'm 20 years old, and my only problem is being stuck here today!". The other nine saints clapped as Aiolia reclaimed his seat. Aldebaran stood up next (the four sane people sat themselves together). "Aldebaran, twenty, no problems". Applause. He took his seat quickly. "I'm Mu, I'm 19 years old. Uh...I have pink hair?". Applause. He shrugged and sat down, thinking himself perfectly sane. Zzzzzzz. "Shaka!", Mu cried, elbowing his friend. Shaka opened his eyes blearilly. "Shaka. 20 years old. I like to sleep". HERE HERE!!. "I'm Milo. I'm 19, and I like to poke things". Applause. "Camus. 20 years old, I like to freeze people". Applause. "I'm Deathmask. I'm 23, and I like to kill people". He smiled at Roobabega as he sat back down. No applause followed, for his peers were too busy stareing at him. "Next, please", Roobabega said after ten minutes, motioning to Shura. "I'm Shura, I'm 23, and I'm unique". "You're INSANE!", Camus roared. "UNIQUE!! That's my story and I'm sticking to it!". Applause. Shura sat down and Aphrodite stood up. "My name is Aphrodite, I'm twenty two, and I guess I may care about how I look too much-Stop staring, pervert!". Aphrodite crossed his arms over his chest and took his seat again. Everyone clapped. Roobabega snapped out of his trance and smiled at Saga. "Last but not least". Saga got shyly to his feet. "Hi. I'm Saga. I'm twenty eight years old. Sometimes I feel like my dark side is gonna kill everyone important to me." No applause. Silence. Then Roobabega smiled. "Now that's that done, let's get bowling!". The group stared at him and sweatdropped.  
  
"The rules are simple", Roobabega said, grinning. "You're all going to get up when it's your turn and bowl. But, before you do, you have to tell us more about about your problem. Aiolia, if you'd be so kind". The curly- haired man got to his feet and picked up a bowling ball. "I allready told you, I don't have a problem". He bowled the ball, managing to land the ball into the gutter. "Other than I really suck at bowling". As though to prove his point, Aiolia's second ball veered straight across the lane, into the opposite gutter. Aiolia cheered as though he'd managed to get a strike and crossed back over to the group. Aldebaran stood up. He didn't say a word as he picked his ball up and sent it down the lane. Strike. He smiled as he took his seat again. Mu brushed back his hair and picked up a ball. "I'm with Aiolia. No problems here.". He managed to hit all the pins except three, which he missed again on his second attempt. Shaka got up, rubbed his eyes, and picked up a bright neon orange ball. Everyone laughed at it. "My problem is the color of my ball", Shaka said, smiling as he proceeded to throw the ball like you would chuck a boulder. There was a thunk as Shaka's ball collided with the ground. It spluttered down the lane at odd angles, somehow managing to straighten itself near the pins. Strike. The group sweatdropped.  
  
Milo got up and grabbed a blue ball. "It's fun to poke people". He outstretched his index finger and chased Aphrodite around, trying to poke him. "NO!!! STOP!! GET AWAY!", Aphrodite yelled. They ran all the way around the bowling ally before Milo caught up with Aphrodite and poked him. Milo returned, grinning broadly, and bowled. He got a spare and groaned. "How the heck am I supposed to hit those!?", he asked. "It's hard, but you can do it", Shura replied. Or not. Milo's ball went into the gutter and it was Camus's turn. "Diamond Dust!", he cheered, as the lane turned to ice. The ball slid easilly down the lane-right into the gutter. Camus tried again, managing a strike the second time. Roobabega moved them to another lane to finish the game.  
  
Unfortunately, there were some people near by in the next lane they went to. Also, unfortunately, Deathmask wanted to kill these people for their stupid bowling movements. Somehow Saga had made him promise not to kill anyone, bowl, get a strike, and sit back down. Shura proved his "uniqueness" by throwing the ball into the air and trying to palm it vollyball style. Well, it worked, other than Shura's hand was probably broken after that. The ball smashed into the large sign over their lane that proclaimed "lane twenty",rolled down the wall, flopped back-and somehow landed perfectly even with the pins. A strike. Aphrodite got up, shook back his perfect hair, and gingerly wrapped his feminine hands around the ball."I don't want to break a nail.", he whispered. He put the ball down and kicked it. The ball rolled down the lane so slow it looked like it was going to stop before it reached the pins. At the last minute, the ball gained speed. Strike. Saga's turn now. He declared that his dark side wanted to destroy everyone if he didn't make a strike. He bowled in the normal fashion. Everyone held their breath. Strike! They were safe for now!  
  
The game proceeded as such, Roobabega growing more and more concerned for his life. "How foolish I've been", Aiolia declaired on his last turn, watching the bowlers in the next lane over. "You have to do stupid movements before you bowl!" He grabbed his ball, went back, ran at the lane, jumped, landed on one foot, and fell flat on his face. The ball rolled out of his hands. "Owie", Aiolia moaned, sitting up just in time to see his first strike (and first hit of any pins the whole game). He jumped up, cheering and dancing like crazy. "You have to bowl again", Shura said. "Huh?", Aiolia stared at Shura. "If you hit all the pins the last game, you have to bowl again.". The curly-haired man sighed and repeated his earlier stratagy. Again he fell on his face, and again he got a strike, leaving his grand total at an astounding twenty points. Roobabega peeked out from under the table. "Very nice". And so it continued, rather uneventfully, until it was Shura's turn to finish the game. He'd been bowling the whole game volly- ball style, landing strikes every time, and planned to finish it that way. Unfortunately, the wall had had enough, and when Shura's ball colided with it, it flew through, leaving a nice view of the darkened sky outside. Shura shruged and bowled in normal fashion. One pin. He bowled again. One pin. He cursed. Roobabega looked ready to cry. Somehow, he managed to keep control- he drew a deep breath and smiled at Aphrodite. "Go ahead".  
  
Aphrodite picked up the ball and set it down to kick it again. "NO!!", Roobabega shouted. "No", he repeated gentler when Aphrodite stared at him with frightened eyes. He had no idea what this crazy man was gonna do to him. "Bowl the normal way, please". Aphrodite's wide eyes grew wider. "No! I'll break a nail!", he gasped, stareing at his perfectly manicured hands. "I promise you won't. Just please bowl normally", Roobabega pleaded. Aphrodite relented and stuck his fingers into the holes. A scream echoed through the bowling ally as Aphrodite withdrew his hand. His pinkie nail had broken off. "My nail! MY NAIL!", he shrieked. He was too upset to finish, so Deathmask grabbed Aphrodite's ball and chucked it down the lane. Gutter ball. Deathmask didn't even bother to do anything the next time. He simply placed the ball in the gutter and rolled it down. Saga sweatdropped and went to finish his game. It was the first time he didn't get a strike the whole game-infact, he didn't manage to hit the single pin still standing the second time. The game was over. Saga's eyes went strangely blank, then switched from their normal green to a pale, translusent red. "I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!", he screamed, jumping on a table and laughing like a maniac. "EVERYONE NOT IN MY THERAPY GROUP CLEAR OUT NOW!!", Roobabega shouted.  
  
Ten minutes later, all the saints were seated at the tale again. Saga was tied to his chair, still jittering and laughing. "Hey, Saga. Want a cookie?", Milo asked, waving a box infront of him. Saga nodded. "You have to calm down and let the good side take over again". "NEVER!!", Saga shouted. "Then no cookies". "I'm bringing out pizza and drinks. Saga, if you don't calm down, I'm afraid I can't untie you to let you eat", Roobabega said. "He's certainly brave now with Saga tied down.", Shaka whispered. "Of course", Camus said. "He's not the one who nearly died getting Saga back into his chair". This was quite true. While the other saints were chasing after crazed Saga, Roobabega had been hiding under a table, screaming that he was gonna die and that he wanted his mother. "I think he's calming down", Shura observed. "Because we didn't let you use your idea", Aiolia commented, suppressing a smile. Shura's idea for trapping Saga and calming him down had included, but was not limited to, scaleing the ceiling, dropping a net on Saga mid-run, wrapping him up in it, and hog-tying him. When Mu had asked how they were gonna get on the ceiling, Shura had suggested piling up tables. 'Well, if it makes you feel any better, Saga, you still won the game", Aiolia told him, approaching him cautiously. "I did?" "Yeah, you won". Saga's eyes went blank again and returned to their original green color. "Can I untie you, or are you gonna kill me?", Aiolia asked. "Why would I want to kill you, Aiolia?", Saga replied in a serene, non-crazed voice. "If you try anything, I'm gonna kill you.", Deathmask threatened. "Untie him".  
  
Roobabega returned with the pizza not too long after Saga proved to be back to normal. "Now, I want us all to talk. Get your problems off your chest. It's OK", he said, setting the pizza down on the table. They ate in silence for a while, no one seeming to have anything to say-then-"Aiolia's afraid of clowns", Deathmask said, smirking as he ripped into his third slice of pizza. "Clowns?". Aldebarran lifted his eyebrow at the choking man. "You just had to tell them, didn't you, Death?", Aiolia gasped. Roobabega's ears perked up. "Clowns. Let's hear this story". He put his pen to his writing pad. Aiolia glared at Deathmask. "I don't want to", he said firmly. "Ah, well you're in therapy. You have no choice. Your fear of clowns might be the cause of your mental problems", Roobabega said. Aiolia's face flushed bright red. "I DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS!!". Roobabega smiled sweetly at him. "Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery". Aiolia looked about ready to explode. "Ok, fine. When I was five, my older brother, Aiolos, took me to a circus, and the clown killed this elephant...I cried over the elephant for two weeks. You happy now!?". The rest of the group stared at him. Then Deathmask started laughing hysterically. "What about you, Mr. Underwear Fettish!?", Aiolia snapped at him. Deathmask stopped laughing. "Why you!!". He was about to leap at the younger man, but was held back by Roobabega's restraining hand. "Spill.". Deathmask flushed and he looked at his feet. "Iamanudist" he said in one breath. "What?", the crazy therapist asked. "I-AM-A-NUDIST!! I LIKE TO RUN AROUND NAKED!!", Deathmask shouted. As though to prove his point, he stripped off his clothes except for his underwear and ran around the bowling ally. People screamed and threw things at him. A few seconds later, Deathmask returned to the group, covered in soda, ice cream, soggy pizza, and other bits of food and pulled his clothes back on. Roobabega sweatdropped.  
  
"He wanders around our temples like that late at night", Saga complained. Roobabega's gaze turned to the oldest member of the group. "What do you stand for?", he asked. Saga smiled. "I love justice and peace *DEATH, DESTRUCTION, MASS CHAOS!!*". Roobabega stared at him. "Oh, look, a butterfly", Saga said, pointing. "It makes me feel warm inside. I want to *SMASH IT SMASH IT SMASH IT!!*". The therapist shook his head and wrote "Skitzophrenic" next to Saga's name. Then he turned to Aphrodite, who was stareing at his hands, still whimpering about his broken nail. "It's just a nail, dear". Aphrodite growled at him. "IT IS NOT JUST A NAIL!!! BEAUTY MEANS PERFECT HAIR!! FLAWLESS SKIN!! AND EVEN NAILS!!!". Aphrodite continued to rant and rave about how beautiful he was and how his nails reflected his beauty. Roobabega groaned and wrote "Narcisist" besides Aphrodite's name. He was about to move on to Milo, when he realized everyone was fighting and yelling at eachother. "STOP IT! STOP!", Mu was screaming, trying to get the fighting Saints to quit their brawl. Too late. "EVERYONE!! GET DOWN!!!", Aiolia screamed. Various attacks hit the bowling ally walls and ceilings. A rumbling was heard. "THE CEILING!!", Shaka yelled, gazing up. They all dashed out of bowling ally. They got out just in time to see the bowling ally collapse to the ground. "I guess we still need mental help?", Shura asked hesitantly. Roobabega cried. _______________________________________________________________________  
  
"So, how did therapy go?", Saori asked as the ten disgruntled young men walked back to Sanctuary. "Don't ask", Aiolia moaned. "Here's the bill for today's session", Saga added, handing the girl the bill. Saori looked at it and screamed. "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, YOU DESTROYED THE BOWLING ALLY!?". "Just that. We destroyed the bowling ally", Shura replied. Saori fainted. "Come on, let's get out of here before she wakes up!", Shura pushed the others ahead of him. "I wonder what was on the note he gave me", Aphrodite said, opening up a piece of paper. On it was written "Call Me" with a messy phone number scribbled under it. Aphrodite growled and crumpled up the paper, tossing it ontop of Saori's unconscious figure. "Stop it! Stop laughing!", he cried.  
  
THE END-or is it? Dum dum dum 


	2. Bronzies Join the Torture

A/N: Well, what was intended to be a one-shot will be continued thanks to positive comments from reviewers, friends, and the people I role-play with. ^_^ Yay! I have inspiration! The humor will live on! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to those who were kind enough to review, especially Female Heero Yuy for providing me with correct info so I wouldn't have to track it down online. (I've only seen through the Sanctuary Chapter in the anime, and never even touched a manga, so I guesstimated a few things) Thanks to my friends and brother. If they hadn't stapped me down with my own katana to my head, this might never have gotten done. *Dodges the beach pail Cindy lobs at her head* ^^;;; Thanks to Nutty Buddy, for being one of those who submit themself to the mental blood bath with me in the chatline. I do not own Saint Seiya or the characters (though I'd pay money for Mu *drools*), they belong to Masami Kurumada *sad sigh*. You no sue, I no cry. Extreme OOCness (I made no attempt to keep anyone in character. Mu's an empath now. ^_^), yaoi (What's Saint Seiya w/o hints?), and complete insanity (Shura!). Welcome to the second therapy session!! _______________________________________________________________________  
  
"NO! ATHENA-SAMA, NO! YOU CAN NOT MAKE US GO BACK TO THAT MAN!!", Aphrodite yelled, practically on the verge of tears. "Yeah, Roobabega's a pervert! He's trying to get in Aphrodite's pants!", Milo said, sounding almost like he was singing. At that, Aphrodite started to cry. Saori stared at her Saints, shocked by the bluntness of Milo's comment. "Milo needs depressents", Mu muttered to Aldebarran and Aiolia, watching the cheerful Scorpio Saint skip around the table. "You'd think he was excluded from going to therapy", Aldebarran whispered back. "That or he doesn't care that our dignity is being stripped from us", Aiolia added. The other two nodded. They were interupted by a sort of gurgling noise-Shaka had fallen asleep in his bowl of cereal and was slowly drowning in it. Mu groaned. "SHAKA!!", he cried, grabbing the blond's shoulders and hoisting him out of the cereal. "Well, that'd look wonderful on a tombstone-'Here lies Shaka, drowned in Wheaties'", Aiolia joked. Mu and Aldebarran both smirked and hid their laughs behind their palms.  
  
"Ahem", Saori cleared her throat, having finally recovered from the shock. "Does Roobabega know Aphrodite is a guy?", she asked. She recieved eight sets of shoulders being shrugged, a snore, and a fresh round of tears from Aphrodite. "Hmmm...I'm imagining that therapist's head on my wall. You know I haven't added any new ones in a while", Deathmask said. "No, Deathmask. Kido Manor can not afford to be sued", Saori replied, giving him a hard look. "Besides, you have enough faces on your wall for three Cancer Saints". "I think his face'd look very nice on the side of your toilet", Camus grumbled. "What's the matter with you?", Saori asked. "What's the matter? I'll tell you what's the matter. I don't see Hyoga, or Shun, or Shiryu with us. I don't see your lover boy, Seiya, or that insane Ikki, or that Jabu going with us. They need therapy just as much, if not more, than we do!". "Allright, allright. I see your point. Fine, since you insist, the Bronze Saints will join you in therapy. If anyone has any objections, you can thank Camus". Saori strode away. The ten Gold Saints looked at eachother for a few minutes (Shaka had woken up after he realized he had milk and Wheaties dripping down his face). Then there was a chorus of groans, since they hadn't gotten out of therapy, and a few angered shouts of "Thank you, Camus". Luckily most of them didn't mind the Bronze Saints much, though Mu and Aiolia felt greatly saddened that Shiryu and Seiya, whom they liked, were being added to the mental blood bath. "Come on. I guess we'd better get going", Shaka murmured, squeezing milk from his hair.  
  
An hour later, the Gold Saints were waiting outside of Kido Manor, Aphrodite complaining about how ugly he looked. Shura smaked him. "Might I remind you that YOU are the one who took Aldebarran's shirt and my pants and tied your hair up with that ridiculous black ribbon so Roobabega wouldn't look at you?". Milo giggled. "You're hyper this morning", Camus commented. "Why is Aphrodite borrowing your pants?", Milo asked. Shura groaned. "Pervert!", Aphrodite yelled, chasing after Milo with one of his Demon Roses. He was wearing Shura's pants because they had oil stains, greese stains, and Athena only knew what else all over them-Aphrodite was borrowing the jeans Shura had ruined trying to booby-trap Capricorn temple. There was a whine of "ouchies" and hysterical laughter as Aphrodite kicked Milo, his rose abandoned on the floor. Fortunately (or unfortunately, if you don't like Milo), Saori came out at that moment, accompanied by Tatsumi, and followed by her Bronzies. Shun and Jabu looked confused, Shiryu looked resigned, Seiya laughed, and Hyoga and Ikki looked like one of them would wind up killing someone by the end of the evening. "Ahem", Tatsumi cleared his throat. Aphrodite pulled Milo to his feet and the two of them joined their fellow Gold Saints at (mock) rapt attention. The princess rolled her eyes.  
  
"I've informed Roobabega that you will be having some more members added to your group. Now, unfortunately, the Bronze Saints can't teleport, so you're gonna have to ride in this jet". The Gold Saints stared at her. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY CAN'T TELEPORT!?", Deathmask cried, stareing in horror at the jet. "It's OK. Tatsumi's a safe piolet", Shun piped up, trying to be polite. "I remember you. You're the little crybaby Saint. I'm surprised you don't flood your house. 'Wahhhhhh! Hyoga! Wahhhh.'", Deathmask sneered. Shun's cheeks turned red. "Wahhh! Wahhhhh.......ACK!". Ikki had snapped, and his hands were wrapped firmly around the Cancer Saint's throat. "DO NOT MAKE FUN OF MY BROTHER!!", he snarled. Deathmask would have never admitted it, but, for that moment, he was afraid of Ikki. He quickly regained his compossure, grabbed Ikki's wrists, and threw him off. He wasn't going to be shown up by a child again. It looked as through the first of what was promised to be many fights was going to break out right there when Saori stepped bewtween them and Shun grabbed Ikki's arm and pulled his away. "We'll finish this later", Deathmask called. "Oh, yes.", Ikki agreed. "Get on the jet-NOW", Saori said threateningly. The ten Gold Saints and six Bronze Saints scrambled in, leaving the princess and her butler standing outside it. "Now, don't tolerate any bickering Tatsumi. If they fight, you let me know so I can punish them". Saori narrowed her eyes at the jet, and the young men inside gulped. She was still angry about the bowling ally. "Yes Princess", Tatsumi replied. "Allright. You may go". Saori walked back to Kido Manor, and Tatsumi climbed into the jet. They were off.  
  
By the time they reached the shopping mall, Tatsumi was at his wits' end. Shura was going over "1001 Ways to Crash a Jet. Way #10-Hit the piolet with a metal hammer. Way #204-Set fire to the seats and cause panic. Way #987- Use Shun's chain to stop the wings from moving, and so on.". Aphrodite cried the whole way there. Ikki and Deathmask tried seventeen different times to continue their fight from earlier, until Saga finally got frustrated and knocked them both out with a heavy box that just *happened* to be on the jet. (^_^) If Tatsumi could've just thrown them out of the jet without landing it, he would have. Fortuantely for the Saints, he couldn't just throw them out, and landed them safely at the shopping mall. The Bronzies scrambled from the jet, thinking Tatsumi the most of their worries. The Gold Saints on the other hand emerged slowly. Shiryu noticed even Shura had calmed down, his dark eyes darting around as though the Grim Reaper were coming to get him. Shaka looked up at the sky. "It seems he is coming...", the blond whispered in a mysterious voice. "Who's coming?", Shiryu asked. "HIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!", a loud, cheerful voice boomed. Ikki and Deathmask bolted up from unconsciousness, right into eachother's arms. They quickly dropped eachother and looked away. The Gold Saints looked ready to flee, making the Bronzies very confused. A man ran up to them. He was wearing a Hawaiian print shirt, no pants, doggie-print boxers, monk beads, a hat with a gigantic stuffed rat attached to it, and pink glasses with rhinestones attached to them. Jabu and Shun hugged each other out of fear. Mu, Aiolia, Shaka, and Aldebarran backed away. "HE DIES FOR THAT OUTFIT!!!!!!", Deathmask roared.  
  
"Something we can agree on", Ikki muttered. Shura's jaw dropped, Aphrodite started crying harder. Saga rubbed his temples, Seiya and Milo laughed, and Camus and Hyoga were playing rock-paper-scissors to see who got to freeze Roobabega 1st. Roobabega just beamed at them as though he didn't notice. "Let's go in now, shall we?". The Saints followed behind Roobabega very reluctanly into the mall and to the Cinnabon. They crammed themselves into four circular tables so Roobabega couldn't sit with them. Mu, Shaka, Aiolia, and Aldebarran (who looked very uncomfortable) sat at one table, Milo, Camus, Saga, and Shura at another table, Aphrodite, Deathmask, Hyoga, and Shun at a third, and Seiya, Shiryu, Ikki, and Jab at the last one. The therapist smiled. "Now. Who wants to talk more about their problems?", he asked. Shura rose his hand. "Yeah. You're a major problem. Look at that outfit! Please put some pants on!". Roobabega mearly smiled. "Well, if someone hadn't *blown up* the bowling ally. All my pants were there!". The Bronzies blinked. "Why were your pants in the bowling ally?", Seiya asked, confused. "I lived there. It's easier to be rich if you don't buy a house". "And I thought I was weird. Look, buy some pants, then. You're scareing Mu!", Shura exclaimed, glancing back at the pink-haired man. Mu stood up and swayed. "He's overloading! Mu hates crowds!", Shaka called, just as he fell over. Shaka caught him and set him gently on the floor. "There's a bedding shop downstairs. Take him there and pretend to be trying out a bed or something", Roobabega said. Shaka nodded, placed Mu on his back, and headed for the escalators. The others watched them go with a feeling of having just swallowed 100 living snakes in their stomachs. They were only 20 minutes into the session, and allready one of their own had sucummed to the therapist's torture.  
  
A/N: Ok, I know, know. Bad place to cut it. But I promise I will update no later than a week from now. Please don't hurt me! 


	3. The Exciting CONclusion

A/N: Whee! 3 chapters! *Feels imense pride in her work* Hehehehehehe ^_^ Thank you again to those who reviewed. You know who you are, and give me reason to keep on writing. Thank you. ^_^. Well, I won't hold your attention long, since I know you're eager to get to the good part. Enjoy! ______________________________________________________________________  
  
The fourteen remaining Saints looked at each other with nervous looks, than at the therapist, who seemed to be watching Shaka's butt as he carried Mu off. "I don't think anyone's safe anymore", Shura whispered. His eyes drifted to the Bronizes. "Well, maybe Shun, Seiya, and Jabu, since they're only thirteen. Everyone else is doomed!". "Gee, thanks for the confidence, Shura!", Aiolia moaned. "I am straight! I have a girlfriend!". "Yeah, my sister!", Seiya said cheerfully. Aiolia stared at the boy for a minute. "And why are you so happy?". Seiya pointed to a booth declareing "Free Ice Cream!" across the food court. At that, Shura smiled. "You don't even LIKE icecream!", Camus pointed out, fearing Shura's smirk. "No. No, I don't", Shura admitted. But I know how to avoid Roobabega...he can't rape all of us if we're separated!". Milo started to smile, too. "You saying split up?", he asked. "That's EXACTLY what I'm suggesting", Shura replied. "I'm game", Hyoga said. The others nodded. "Ok. On three, then", Shura started. "1...2....3!!!!!!!". On three, there was a scramble as the Saints ran their seprate ways in groups of two or three: Shun, with Ikki and Hyoga, Seiya, with Shiryu and Jabu, Camus with Milo, Deathmask with Aphrodite, Aiolia with Aldebarran (to reclaim their sanity!), and Saga with Shura (Heaven help us all!). Roobabega looked away and saw all the Saints bounding off in opposite directions. He was about to try to round them all up, when he noticed something black and shiny on the floor-Aphrodite's hair ribbon. He picked it up and sniffed it. It smelled like roses. Roobabega hugged it like a teenage girl who found her crush's notebook would, and then pocketed the hair ribbon. He stood up and blinked-they were already gone. Well, Seiya, Shiryu, and Jabu were in clear view at an icecream stand on the other side of the food court, but he didn't care about a bunch of children. He set off to find his prey.  
  
"Oh, no!", Aphrodite gasped, realizing his hair was flowing, unbound, around his shoulders. "What is it?", Deathmask asked, not even looking back at the distressed man. "I lost my hair ribbon!". "So? You look better with your hair down.". "I know! But that's not the problem. The problem is if he finds it. I dunno where I lost it!". Deathmask turned and looked at Aphrodite. His face paled slightly. Without a word, he grabbed Aphrodite's wrist and pulled him into the closest store-Spencer's Novelty Shop. There, on the opposite end of the store, was a costume rack. Spotting the clown costume from Stephen King's "It", Deathmask smiled. "Come on. Let's see that thing", he said, pointing. Aphrodite wrinkled his nose. "What are you going to do with that ugly thing?". "Scare Aiolia so badly that he runs back to his girlfriend crying for his brother". "Death, you are so cruel". "And you're a narcisist. Let's go.". Deathmask grabbed Aphrodite's wrist again and pulled him over to the costume rack. Aphrodite sighed. Not because he felt sorry for Aiolia, of course. He sighed because there wasn't a single mirror in the store.  
  
"Ok, I have no idea where we are", Ikki admitted. He was blushing because every five minutes a different girl would pass by him, Hyoga, and Shun, and start giggling. "I don't think we're supposed to be here", Hyoga said finally. "No, we're not", Shun whispered. He was as red as a tomatoe, his green hair only half-hiding his embarased face. "Hmmm...OH, GOD!", Ikki exclaimed. "WE'RE IN VICTORIA'S SECRETS!!!", Hyoga yelped. A sales lady came up to the three boys. "Can I help you gentlemen?", she asked. Sweet Shun looked ready to die and shook his head furiously. "Yeah. Where's the dressing room?", Ikki asked. The lady grew very angry and chased Ikki out of the store, yelling curse words Hyoga and Shun and never even heard before. The Cygnus and Andromeda Saints followed out the store at a more leisurely pace. "Thank God we're gay", Hyoga murmured. Shun nodded in agreement. "Nii-San? Are you allright?", Shun asked, going over to a very bruised, very beaten up Ikki. "Two plus two is four", the dazed Ikki replied. Hyoga and Shun sweatdropped and dragged him to a nearby bench to recover from his attack.  
  
"Uhhh..Camus? What ARE you doing?", Milo asked. They were standing in the middle of an appliance shop, and there was Camus, trying to plug in one of the freezers. "I'm dying of heat", Camus replied. "OK, but you do know it takes a freezer twenty-four hours after it's plugged in to gain optimum cooling capacity?". Camus blinked at Milo. "And here I am, thinking you're an idiot". "Oh, I am. I just read that sign". "What sign?". "That sign". Milo pointed at a large sign proclaiming "Please plug your freezers/refridgerators in for 24 hours before putting food in them to gain optimum cooling capacity". Camus groaned and fell over. Milo laughed. "Learn to read the signs, ice cube".  
  
"Uggghhh...I've had enough ice cream for the rest of my life!", Jabu gasped. "Same here", Shiryu agreed. "How can Seiya eat so much?". "Oh, that's nothing. Remember how Shun gave us all candies on Valentine's Day?". Jabu nodded. "I had to hide mine so Seiya wouldn't eat them after he devoured his whole box in under a minute!". Jabu stared at Shiryu with disbelieving eyes. "Come on, Seiya. Let's go", Shiryu said, grabbing the younger Saint's arm. Seiya struggled in Shiryu's grip. "Let me go! I'm not done!". Jabu sweatdropped and throught "This could take a while".  
  
Saga and Shura were "minding their own bussiness", walking through the mall. (Translation: Shura took advantage of Saga being his gentle self and not Ares and dragged him into every store that had something even remotely interesting). "Ummm...Shura?". Saga's voice was calm and peaceful, but held a faint note of panic. "What is it, Saga?", Shura asked, admiring (drooling) over an insense burner he thought would look great in his temple. "I see Roobabega", Saga whispered. "ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!", Shura screamed, and proceeded to run up the down escalator. "What are you doing?", Saga asked, looking ver confused. "Running away!", Shura replied. "O...K...". Blinking, the Gemini Saint got on the up escalator, rode it to the top, went to the down escalator, and waited. Twenty minutes later, the Capricorn Saint was at the top, too. "How'd you get up here so fast?", Shura asked. Saga pointed to the up escalator. "Oh.", was all Shura replied, before grabbing ahold of Saga's wrist again and pulling him into a store called "Hot Topic".  
  
Aphrodite had never been so embarassed in his life. He was dressed like a slob, walking with a clown! A CLOWN! Not just any old clown, either. The scariest damn clown he'd ever seen in the history of clowns. Aphrodite wasn't clown-o-phobic, and he was frightened by Deathmask in the costume- Aiolia was gonna flip! They spoted Aiolia and Aldebarran sitting in the coffee shop, drinking frozen cappacinos and minding their own bussiness. "MWAHAHA!!!!!!!". Deathmask laughed evilly, jumping on the table. Aiolia screamed and broke off into a run. Deathmask chased after him, laughing like a lunatic. Aphrodite sighed and looked at the gentle giant. "Sit with me?", he asked. Aldebarran took his seat again, and Aphrodite claimed Aiolia's seat. "I've never been so embarassed in my life!". the Picses Saint moaned. Aldebarran just nodded and went back to sipping his cappacino.  
  
"STOP STOP!!!!!!!!! GO AWAY!!!!!!!!", Aiolia yelled. Deathmask could hear him almost hyperventilating. It brought him joy, because he'd never liked the Leo Saint, just as he hadn't liked Aiolos when Aiolos was alive. Aiolia ran into the bedding shop, jumping on the bed occupied by Shaka and Mu. "WAKE UP!!! KILLER CLOWN!!!", he screamed, running out of the store. Shaka and Mu woke up, and blinked. "I'm hungry", Mu said, getting off the bed. Shaka nodded. Together, the two of them made their way out of the bedding store.  
  
Deathmask didn't know when to stop. He continued to chase the poor, tormented Leo Saint around the mall, laughing. Little did he know that Aiolia was very close to completely panicking. All over the mall, the other Saints could sense Aiolia's cosmos going haywire and ran out of the mall. They convered in a group, safely away from the mall, and waited. "Deathmask is gonna be sorry", Aphrodite murmured. He was sitting on Aldebarran's shoulder like a spoiled princess. Inside the mall, Deathmask had Aiolia pinned against the wall. The Leo Saint was crying, hyperventalating, calling for Marin and Aiolos. It was heaven for Deathmask. Until...Oh, no. Aiolia was preparing to blast the clown away. He used his Lightning Plasma technique. The attack missed Deathmask, but hit many key points to the mall's foundation. It was the bowling ally all over again, as Deathmask dropped the clown costume, mask and all, grabbed Aiolia's wrist, and teleported them to the rest of the group. The mall collapsed. "Maybe Roobabega died!", Deathmask exclaimed hopefully to the other fifteen Saints. No sooner were the words out of his mouth did Roobabega drag himself from the rubble. The sound of a jet was heard-Tatsumi's jet.  
  
The jet landed, and the Saints scrambled into it. "GO, GO, GO!!!", Aphrodite screamed. "Wha-", Tatsumi started. Then he spotted Roobabega and got a steely glint in his dark eyes. "T-Tatsumi?", Seiya stammered. He was in the passanger seat right next to the butler. "Randy", Tatsumi whispered. "Randy Roobabega". "Uhhh...you know him?", Aphrodite asked nervously. "Know him? That pervert used to hit on me when I was 19-years-old, as hard as it may be for you all to believe". "Oh, believe me, it's not hard to believe at all", Shura said. The others nodded. Tatsumi took off...or so they thought. "W-Why are we landing again?". Aphrodite sounded almost as scared as Aiolia had been ten minutes earlier. The Jet came down-right on top of the therapist! The Gold Saints stared at the butler as though they'd gained respect for the man, and the Bronzies, who allready had a degree of respect for him, gaped. "I won't say anything you you all don't", Tatsumi said. They exchanged looks with eachother and nodded.  
  
-Later that Night-  
  
"So, how'd this session go?", Saori asked. "The therapist said for me to tell you they're cured, Princess", Tatsumi replied. "Oh! That's wonderful!", the girl exclaimed. She looked at the jet. "What's that stuff on the jet?", she asked. "Nothing. Nothing at all.". Tatsumi escorted Saori back inside. The Gold Saints dissappeared into their respective temples, and the Bronzies followed Saori and Tatsumi inside. Saori turned on the TV. "Let's watch the news.", she said. "Ummm, actually, Princess...I...uhh..." "Why don't we play a game of cards?", Seiya suggested. "The news gets depressing at times.". And that's what they did.  
  
THE END  
  
A/N: Ok, that's that for Group Therapy. Hope you enjoyed it! Loved writing it. Sorry I didn't get this up sooner. It was ready Saturday, but my interent was not working. Better late then never, though, right? I think I'll try my hand at something serious next. Anywho, hope you enjoyed this story! 


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